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I Don’t Think I’m Interested in Sex — What Should I Do?

The short answer? It’s 100 percent normal not to be interested in sexual activity.

There are an infinite number of reasons why someone may not be interested in sexual activity, whether this has always been the case or is a new development.

For example:

Sexuality is a spectrum, and your needs and desires can change over time.

It’s entirely possible to have experienced sexual attraction in the past and find that you no longer do, or to have always experienced little or no sexual attraction. It’s also entirely possible to only experience sexual attraction in certain circumstances.

Sexual health is multidimensional. If you aren’t feeling well physically or emotionally, it can affect your ability to tune in to your sexual needs.

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For example, if you’re dealing with unexpected or challenging stressors — like living through a global pandemic — your sexual health may take a nosedive as you adapt to these circumstances.

If previous sexual experiences haven’t been enjoyable, it makes sense that you may be uninterested in sexual activity moving forward.

It’s worth exploring what could be getting in the way of you experiencing pleasure. For example:

All of these factors can negatively affect your sexual health.

The best way to increase your libido or make sexual activity more enjoyable is to pause and be intentional about what you want to change.

I recommend grabbing your phone or notebook and writing down your sexual health vision, or what you want your sex life to look like.

This will give you a clearer view of your innermost desires and, in turn, help you better communicate your sexual needs — to yourself and others.

Dildo or Dildon’t

Allow yourself to let go of any sexpectations. Instead focus on communicating what you find pleasurable.

If you don’t know what you find sexually pleasurable, I recommend practicing solo sensate focus. This can help you increase bodily awareness and identify what types of touch are pleasurable.

You can also practice sensate focus with a sexual partner. This will help you learn about each other’s erogenous zones instead of worrying about how to best perform for one another.

My last recommendation is to engage in regular masturbation and fantasy training. The more time you spend exploring your sexual fantasies and pleasuring yourself, the more likely you are to want to be sexual.

Got a question about sex? Send us your questions and we’ll have our expert answer them in the newsletter. What’s your question?

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